Serial Muffin Giver Nabbed

-Finally, after weeks of unknowingly evading local campus authorities, the Muffin Man of Jackson State was apprehended and detained on charges of trespassing and posession without intent to sell. When asked how the Muffin Man had thus far been able to escape campus security forces, head security guard R commented, “It seems he was able to infiltrate my corps with free muffins and coffee. But we have now caught up with him and slapped him with an Official Warning of Trespassing.”

It does seem that after being detained and cited, the Muffin Man made his way over to Student Services headquarters and put in an offical written request to legally distribute on campus. L in Student Service confirmed that the Muffin Man had stopped by but refused to comment on the status of this written request. “We’ve just never had anyone want to give something away without wanting something from our students in return. And that makes us a little nervous and frightened. If a written request is received, we will have to seriously consider whether or not we really want someone like this influencing our students.”

Needless to say, this whole situation has already had an impact on the student body here at Jackson State. “I think he’s really cute. He reminds me of Che Guevara. And I got one of his muffins,” one female student was overheard giggling about with her friends. A male student, who simply gave his name as The Man, told us, “I thought I was The Man around here, but I’m no Muffin Man.”

Have any Muffin Man stories to share? Please comment on this post and let us know.

Advertisements

5 responses to this post.

  1. I heard he was a Communist.

    Reply

  2. Posted by themuffinman on September 24, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Our investigations show that he definitely is into reading Communist biographies and certain manifestos but no document has turned up linking him directly to any particular Communist Party (yet)

    Reply

  3. Posted by themuffinman on September 24, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    BTW, this allegory is steeped in reality. I actually was detained at JState and slapped with an Official Warning of Trespassing.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Bethany on September 26, 2009 at 9:09 am

    and the girls all thought you looked like Che?? That was, by far, my favorite detail!

    are you allowed on campus yet?

    Reply

  5. This just in: The Muffin Man is a dork. But, by golly, he’s a generous one and so darn cute. He makes pretty babies, anyway. So, JSCC has decided to not only rescind their official warning of trespassing but to make him Mr. JSCC. He gets to wear a corsage.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: