Waiting?

So, tonight I can’t sleep. It feels as if I am waiting for something to happen but, for what, I am not sure. It is slightly depressing at times that life is so uncertain. One minute life seems to have been prefrabicated, cut-out, pieced together in harmony and handed to me ready-made to wear. And other times, like tonight, it seems like scraps are all that’s left to be had. Don’t get me wrong, my life is truly blessed. I have a wonderful partner in V and an amazing daughter in L (who started her first day of playschool today btw). But tonight it seems that life is fading into obscurity and mediocrity. And all I am left with is waiting. But waiting for what? Motivation? Discipline? Redirection? The lotto?

I just want some clear marked path. I would even take the Frost-ian fork in the road so at least my decision would just be to choose between the road less traveled and the one more traveled. But the norm is like 15 and so I wait where they intersect. And I look but take no step. I see but do not act. Hmmmm….

Sorry for the unusually blue blog, but these moods hit me evey now and then and just like Oprah says regarding flatulents, “better out than in”. Thanks for listening and good night.

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One response to this post.

  1. Get L to curtsey for you like she did for me and V and W last night. Her little head bobbing will cheer you right up!

    In my own experience, I have these moments frequently and every single one of them are frightening. I feel like I have to make a decision, but I don’t even know quite what my choices are. 30 helped change some of that for me. I remember thinking that I was ready for some things to be in their final–or at least long-term settled–state. Like the progression of my finances, a secure job that I could stay with for a few years, etc. Not saying that that’s what your feeling, but you will know it when it comes walking down the road. Until then, you’ll make the best decision you can and then make the best of your decision.

    Reply

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